The Cost Of Love And Sanity Read online

  “She recently had a baby.”

  “Oh. They were talking about her this morning. Who’s the daddy? Some big Hollywood hot shot?”

  “No. Actually, she had artificial insemination.”

  “What?”

  “You know, where they insert the sperm manually.”

  “Ugh. I know what it is. Why in the world would she do that?”

  “I guess because she wanted a baby.”

  “Then, why didn’t she go out and get a man like everybody else?”

  “She did get a man. Many men but none of them worked out. So, she did it on her own,” Alex said, blowing on her shrimp.

  “Nonsense. No woman has to do it on her own, unless she wants to. There’s always a man around. You have to pay attention and stop making excuses.”

  Even though Alex knew that her mother was talking about Roxie, she couldn’t help feeling like those words were for her. She seemed to always struggle with relationships and men. It had become a sore spot for her. She and her mother had discussed it several times. The conversation never ended well. Alex hesitated to even mention her break up with Phillip. From the way her mother talked, it wouldn’t be any easier than previous conversations. She opted to wait a little longer to tell her. Maybe her mother had even forgotten about him. She’d only mentioned him a couple of times.

  “Whatever, Ma.” Alex’s eyes wandered down to her mother’s half-empty plate. “So, how’s your diet going?”

  Her mother almost choked on her pasta. Alex laughed.

  “It’s been going good until today.”

  Both chuckled. “That’s okay. There’s always tomorrow,” Alex said.

  Alex’s phone buzzed from her purse. She pulled it out and saw Nathan’s number. She frowned, muted the ring and threw it back into her purse.

  “Who was that?” her mother asked.

  “An unknown number.”

  “Oh.” Sandra glanced through the window and spotted the place that made Alex think about Roxie. “Babies “R” Us. That reminds me. Gerard called me yesterday and said that he and your cousin Nikki are having a baby shower Saturday. We can go across the street and get the gift out of the way.”

  Alex rolled her eyes. Another baby for Cousin Nikki. “I don’t know if I’m going to this one.” This would be number four for Nikki. Alex bought her a gift last year. She didn’t feel like doing it again.

  Her mother stretched her eyes. “Oh, you’re going. Or I’ll tell the family where you live so they can randomly stop by your house to say hello.”

  Alex grimaced. Sometimes her mother could be so cruel. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because you need to be more supportive of your family.”

  “Well, if you want to go to the store, you might want to hurry up cuz they may close soon and I have work to do.”

  She could feel the nightmare coming. The store alone gave her mother way too much space and time to torture her. She could see her pointing out all the things Alex should be buying for herself. She felt bad enough already. She didn’t need help.

  Her mother took her time with her meal, despite Alex’s warning. She not only got a couple of refills on her drink, she ordered dessert: chocolate cheesecake with a side of vanilla ice cream. She took a bite and rolled her eyes in taste bud heaven. Alex rolled her eyes in annoyance.

  “Umm. This is good. You want some?” Her mother pointed her fork at the cake and ice cream.

  “No, thank you, Mama.”

  “Are you sure? This is really good.”

  “Yes, Mama.”

  “Why not? Are you watching your weight again? What for?”

  “Ma.”

  “I mean, that would be fine if you were watching it to catch a man but since there doesn’t seem to be one in sight, what’s the point?”

  “Ma?”

  “It’s not like you’re gonna make me a grandmother this century.”

  Alex saw red. She’d had enough. She grabbed her Dooney & Bourke purse straps. “Ma, I’m gonna go ahead and go to the store. You can come over once you’re finished with your cake and ice cream. Okay?”

  “All right, all right. I’m almost done.” With that, her mother wolfed down the remains on her plate and took one last sip of her drink. “Okay. I’m ready to go.”

  Alex waved for the waitress. After she paid and left a twelve-dollar tip, the women exited the restaurant and rode across the street to Babies “R” Us.

  Every time Alex passed the store, it seemed to be a wasteland but the day that she had to go in there, the parking lot burst with cars. While she took her time going in, her mother practically jumped out of the car while it still moved.

  “C’mon, girl,” her mother said.

  Alex walked slowly behind her toward the store and paused briefly when she reached the automatic doors. She took a deep breath and stepped forward.

  In midstride, her mother turned backward to look at Alex. “C’mon!” she said with much more force in her voice.

  Someone needs to tell this lady I’m not two years old anymore.

  Alex picked up speed, figuring it better to speed up and get this whole thing over with. She followed her mother, who led her down the aisle with the bottles and the bags. Her eyes rested on a black stretchy stomach band. She picked it up and read the instructions. The mother-to-be simply wrapped it around her stomach to help bring her tummy back in after childbirth. And it was fairly inexpensive. Alex shrugged. Maybe she could buy this for her cousin. Goodness knows she could use it.

  She walked over to her mother, who stood studying the diaper bags. “I’m going to get her this.”

  Her mother eyed the product and without missing a beat said, “And what else?”

  Alex’s head fell to one side. “What do you mean, ‘and what else?’”

  “I mean, what else are you buying her? You’re not going to stop with that, are you?”

  Alex looked away. Why did her mother have to make this so complicated? “What else am I supposed to be getting her?”

  “Toys, clothes, bottles.” She dropped the diaper bag to her side. “You’ve never had one of these before but there’s enough stuff around here to give you an idea of what one needs when they have a child.”

  “Mama, you act like she’s never had a baby before. She has some of this stuff already.”

  Her mother sighed. “Alex, this is your cousin. She’s family. We’re supposed to do for family. Now, I wanted you to come along because you have good taste. Please don’t act like you don’t want to help. Okay?” She turned back around to examine the diaper bag again.

  Alex turned in the opposite direction. She hoped her mother didn’t expect her to buy up the store for her cousin because that would not happen. Alex walked down the clothes aisle. She spotted dressy and casual shoes, as well as little jumpsuits. She wrinkled her forehead. Alex didn’t know what to pick. She also hated that she had to be there doing this for someone else. She looked up and saw a big poster of a baby with black curly hair. The little girl in the photo appeared to be shot right before a smile. Her facial expression was gentle and playful. For a minute, Alex stood there, staring at the little girl as if she were someone she recognized in a missing persons flyer.

  All her thoughts about her cousin disappeared. She could only think about her own dreams—dreams she’d held for a long time but pushed aside, figuring she would get to them later. In looking at the little girl on the poster, she now realized that later had turned into now. She really needed to get started on making her dreams a reality.

  CHAPTER 11

  Alex sat at her desk, scrutinizing her proposal with a shrewd eye. There was no room for errors. Luckily for her, there weren’t any. Now she had to deliver it well. She’d practiced her points the night before and prepared herself for any objections to the idea. Management would definitely see the benefit of the job fair. She glanced at her clock and saw that she had ten minutes before the meeting started. I’d better get down there. Alex gathered her presentation and
a pen.

  When she walked into the conference room, a couple of people were standing around conversing. Alex nodded a greeting to the executives she passed and sat at the table. Dan strode in and greeted others loud enough for most people to hear. He saw Alex and stopped short of heading to his seat.

  “Hello, Alex.”

  Alex glanced up at him. “Hello, Dan.”

  “I hear you’re doing your presentation today. Are you ready?” He shot her a sly smile.

  “Always.” Games. She hated playing these competitive games and Dan seemed to always want to play them. Despite his underhanded provocation, she maintained a neutral expression on her face.

  “I look forward to hearing it. Mine is going to blow Mr. Sims away. Good luck.”

  Dan walked to his seat in time for Mr. Sims to take his place at the front of the room. The VP’s commanding presence caused a hush to fall over the room.

  “Good morning, everyone.”

  They returned his greeting.

  “We have a bit of sad news. One of our board of directors, Tom Gidder, is retiring and leaving the board. He’s been here for fifteen years and seen the company through many changes.”

  The staff offered sympathetic expressions to the occasion.

  Mr. Sims nodded. “His influence will be missed.” He walked toward the left-hand side of the room. “On another note, I’ve continued to monitor our numbers over the past couple of weeks.”

  Alex scanned the room to see everyone else looking around, too. They all seemed to brace themselves for the tongue-lashing headed their way.

  “Many of you have made an effort to improve the placements. I appreciate all of the extra hours and extra calls made to help us reach our goal,” Mr. Sims paused, “But I’m afraid we are still falling short. Our placement numbers are seventeen percent lower than they need to be and this is because we have some catching up to do from last year.“Now I know our company can do much better and today Alex and Dan are going to share their ideas as to how we can turn this situation around. Every meeting, I’ll select a couple of you to present your ideas. So, get prepared. But right now, we’re going to start with Alex.”

  Alex stood up and practically flew toward the front of the conference room. She was eager to get this over with. It felt like she’d been holding on to that proposal forever.

  “Good morning, everyone,” Alex greeted the staff.

  They murmured a lackadaisical, “Morning.”

  “As Mr. Sims has indicated, we have all been charged with making a positive change in our numbers. Well, I have come up with a way for us to gain a load of placements in one swoop.” Alex paused for effect. “A job fair.”

  She browsed the staff and thought she saw some of her coworkers roll their eyes.

  “I know what you’re thinking: ‘Those rarely work out for the job seeker or the employer.’ And you know what? You’re right. But I’m prepared to do it differently. Instead of printing a bunch of flyers and paying for ad space, I’m going to pull exclusively from the pool of applicants we already have, select the best of the best and match them with our most prized employers. The event will not be advertised in the paper. The fair will be strictly invitation only. This will allow me to screen the applicants thoroughly so that when they arrive to the job fair they are five steps closer to getting the job of their dreams.”

  After going over a few more points, Alex breathed a sigh of relief inside. She’d gotten through it and now the presentation was almost over. She believed she’d done a good job explaining her plan of action and its benefit to the company.

  Courtney raised her hand. “How many candidates do you plan to invite?”

  “At least four hundred,” Alex answered.

  Brian Stacks, a coordinator, whistled. “When are you going to find time to invite all these candidates and perform your regular responsibilities?”

  “I’m going to have the call center line up a number of candidates for the individual companies,” Alex answered.

  “It sounds good, Alex, but that’s a lot of people. How are the companies going to see them all?” Mr. Sims asked.

  Alex faced him. “Well, they won’t. They’re going to be split into groups. Thirty-minute increments. The candidates’ first stop will be in a separate room for background checks and those that make it through that will interview with the companies’ HR departments.”

  Mr. Sims raised an eyebrow. “Well, it looks like you have it all figured out. Good job.” He nodded and motioned permission for Alex to have a seat. He then turned toward the rest of the room. “I’m glad to hear you have a plan because we are planning to have a big going away party for Tom in March. That means we need to get this job fair done soon. We’ll schedule it for February 23rd. That’s about four weeks from now.”

  She nodded and wrote the date at the top of her presentation paper.

  Looking back at her, Mr. Sims continued. “Go ahead and get started with the fair.” He pointed to his left. “Dan will help you.”

  Excuse me? Dan? Why do I have to work with Dan? She peered over at Dan. His eyes were stretched open. She could tell he didn’t like the news any more than she did. She imagined him with that same expression throughout the whole planning stage of the fair. Her main job would entail putting out his fires. She tried to speak but her voice would not cooperate. Dan, however, did find a way to speak.

  “Uh. Mr. Sims? I still haven’t given my presentation yet. I had other ideas of how to improve the numbers.”

  “Hold on to them for a later date. We don’t want to spread ourselves too thin,” Mr. Sims said.

  “Maybe he has a proposed project that will benefit mine,” Alex said, finally finding her voice.

  “Perhaps, but I really want us to focus on the fair. You and Dan will be working together. Any questions?”

  Alex shook her head. No one else said a word. “Good. I’ll expect a full briefing on the progress next week. Any other updates?”

  The staff remained silent.

  “All right. Until next week.”

  Alex stood up from the table and caught a glimpse of Dan. He was grabbing his papers and folder quickly, scowling the whole time. I know, Buddy. I don’t like it any more than you do.

  She headed to the elevator to go back to her office, dreading the headaches to come. Romero caught her in the elevator.

  “Good job today, Alex.”

  “Oh. Thanks.” Alex shrugged.

  He held up his hand. “You must be annoyed having to work with Dan. He isn’t the easiest person to work with. He has quite a bit to learn but has a problem listening. Well, at least you guys won’t have to work together long.”

  “Four weeks.”

  “I’m sure it’ll fly by.” Romero smiled.

  Perhaps she could have said more to Romero but she was too busy thinking of how to get companies to commit to the job fair and how to recruit hundreds of qualified candidates to attend.

  “It’s going to go great.” He looked her up and down before clearing his throat. Before he could say anything else, the elevator door opened on her floor. Ha! Quicker escape this time.

  “I’m sure it will. See you later, Romero.”

  Alex marched into her office and flopped down in her chair. It was safe to say the meeting didn’t go the way she thought it would. She should have been ecstatic about Mr. Sims enthusiasm for her job fair but, for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why he would pair her with Dan. With all his talk and competitive behavior, he had yet to prove himself a leader in the company. That meant, in this project, he would have to follow her lead. Alex moaned and leaned her head back in her chair. She had no time to babysit, especially a grown man.

  She had to figure out how she was going to handle Dan. She could ignore him but if she did that, he might take matters into his own hands and create all kinds of chaos, trying to be relevant. Bad idea to leave him to his own devices. She could try to talk to him about what she expected. Then again, she didn’t see him responding
well to that; he responded better to ego strokes. Alex didn’t have enough patience with him to do that. Why don’t I assign him things to do? That sounded like a good idea. This way she’d know what he was doing and he’d have an active hand in the fair. She’d also get to look like a team player who gets along with others, even difficult coworkers. A real win-win.

  She smiled at her plan of action. Dan could start on sponsors while she worked on obtaining the employers. She’d talk to him about his tasks later. For now, she would give him a chance to cool down after getting run over in the meeting. Alex stretched then reached into her desk drawer for her cell phone. Unlocking it, she immediately searched for new emails. She found emails, as well as three missed calls. She tapped on the screen to show the numbers and saw Nathan’s number.

  Suddenly, all the memories of the date that never happened rushed back to her in a flash. She’d successfully pushed them out of her mind until then. She searched for ways to make it disappear again, along with the sadness and shame that came with it but they remained. She stared at Nathan’s number. Her eyes were drawn to it as she toyed with the idea of returning his call. Her heart wanted her to do it but her pride would not allow it. He messed up again. She could not forget that and she didn’t think she should try. Alex closed the call log, opening her emails to focus on them instead.

  CHAPTER 12

  Alex’s phone sang a ditty for her while she was driving. She glanced at it quickly but refused to answer. As the sun rays beamed through her windshield, she pulled on her sunglasses and concentrated on the street signs. She didn’t visit her cousin’s house often so she always had to seek directions to get there. This time, however, she believed the Internet directions led her astray. She found herself rolling down a dead-end street. Maybe this would have been easier had she picked her mother up and they went over together but she didn’t think she could handle dealing with her mother the whole way. She could not withstand her mother’s incessant nagging.

  To tell the truth, she really wanted to stay home. She had plenty of work to do. Catching up on work sounded much better than pretending to enjoy this family gathering. It wasn’t that she wished her cousin ill or lacked happiness for her; she wasn’t in the mood to be reminded of something she didn’t have—a family of her own.